Mr Constabully by John Ansell

"The scum of the earth....but what fine soldiers we have made them."

The Duke of Wellington

 

Tune: Mr Bad Example

by Warren Zevon 

https://youtu.be/ntLogMHAL64

 

I’d always been a bully:

From the day I started school

‘Do harm unto others’ 

Was my golden rule.

 

To bash defenceless women’s 

Been my favourite stress release

Since I became a sergeant

With the great New Zealand Police.

 

They sent me down to Parliament

To exercise my fists

Running interference

For a gang of communists:

 

Labour, Greens and National

And ACT — they’re all the same,

And when the war is over

You can hang our heads in shame.

 

We’d spent a week in Auckland

Learning how to beat the shit

Out of unarmed defenders

— It didn’t hurt a bit!

 

By Friday night our shirts of blue

Had turned distinctly brown

As we Illuminazis

Learned to kick you when you’re down.

 

     I’m Mr Constabully:

     Defender of the dirt.

     I’m here to see that only

     The innocent get hurt.

 

     I’m Mr Constabully,

     A national disgrace:

     I got my New World Orders

     And I left the human race.

 

The Wokester said there’s plenty

Of trouble I could make,

With eyes to gouge and skulls to crack

And bones that I could break

 

And naked ladies’ hair to pull:

I’d bash and push and shove

The bodies of survivors

Calmly chanting “Peace and love!”

 

Like all Jacindanistas

We pretended we were kind,

Then pepper-sprayed those lepers’ eyes

And rendered them half blind,

 

Then briefed our infiltrators

To start a fire in tents,

While standing by with hoses

To expose our false pretence.

 

A. Coster said, “Accost her!

Accost her and her and him!”

And the cost of our accosting 

Was unconscionably grim:

 

Andy cost the reputation

Of every honest plod,

And he calls himself a Christian

Like the Devil thinks he’s God.

 

And when we’d done our dirty work

They clapped us back to base:

We’d stood up to integrity

And slapped it in the face.

 

And now I face the mirror,

There’s no further place to hide,

So now you know which side I’m on:

I’m on the genocide.

 

     I’m Mr Constabully:

     Defender of the dirt.

     I’m here to see that only

     The innocent get hurt.

 

     I’m Mr Constabully,

     A national disgrace:

     I got my New World Orders

     And I left the human race.

 

And when the filth won’t play the game

I’ll improvise instead:

With rugby balls in short supply

I’ll use a young boy’s head.

 

It’s time to spark a rumpus,

And when they won’t, I will.

I left my moral compass

On that Thorndon hill.